“I think to understand my testimony, you first have to understand me. When you accept Christ into your heart, there’s usually a resolve, and a weight lifted off your shoulders, right? Well the thing is, I accepted Christ into my heart when I was seven, and I felt like I had done the right thing, but I felt there was something else I was missing. When I accepted Christ, I was dropping my nets and ready to follow Christ (Mark 1). Or at least I thought I was. It turns out I had still been holding on to this idea that God didn’t really have any plans for me. I had said ‘God, I’m ready to accept you into my heart.’ But after that, I felt weird. I was like ‘God, what’s the gameplan? I accepted you, what do you want me to do?’ If only I had known back then what God had in store for me. Throughout years 10-14 of my life I knew I had accepted Christ, but I was still waiting to see what I needed to do to glorify God. What could I do to make his glory known? That’s what Christians were called to do, right? So where’s my purpose. Well, the answer to my problems had come in August of 2016.
I feel a little bad that it took me so long to just trust God and stop worrying so much, but it did. So in August, my sister invited me to Ignite, where I could learn piano. I had never really touched the instrument, or wanted to learn more about it until my sister asked me, and I thought I’d try it, and if I didn’t like it, I could always quit. Thank goodness I didn’t.
Now this is the part of the testimony where my pride takes over, and like the Israellites in Micah and Haggai, and many other Old Testament books, God had provided for me, and I neglected it. When I started catching on with the piano, and getting better, this feeling of pride welled up in my heart. And instead of accepting God’s gift of talent he had graciously provided, I forgot the reason I had it. I took this skill and devoted all my time to learning everything I could about piano. I love learning, and I wanted to be great, I wanted to be at my best. So in my heart, my motivations were wrong. I hadn’t been using the piano to glorify God, I was learning it to glorify myself. I feel like the Israelites, after years of exile, finally going home where they wanted to be, and totally abandoning there promise to build the temple. God had provided, and I just ignored it. I used it for myself.
So, what would it take to break this pride in my heart? A reality check. At winter retreat, I think I finally crushed the pride I had, and decided to use my God given talent for God’s purpose. Taylor said to think highly of yourself, ascribes less value to God. So I needed to break my selfishness, I needed to stop neglecting God’s gifts, and glorify him instead. So my view had shifted, from being the best, to glorifying the only one who can be. So in conclusion, my strive for purpose no longer brings me stress, I no longer need to worry, cause now I KNOW God has a plan, and God has me covered.